Acceptance

When am I supposed to be okay with this? It's been almost five months now since my diagnosis . . . shouldn't I have gotten over it by now? Can I get over it? Is is going to be a dark cloud hanging above me for the rest of my life, always ready to rain on my parade?

I try and live my life without Crohn's disease on my mind. I do my best to push it away, but every so often it comes back and smacks me in the face.

The feeling creeps up on me, and I know the tears are going to come. I feel sad, lonely and alone. It makes me want to reach for some comfort food, or sometimes the opposite: not eat. I know this isn't the answer, but sometimes the lure of a quick jolt of chocolate, or the need to be in control of something is too tempting.

I guess I'm lucky enough that I can forget about my Crohn's most of the time. The only reminder being my morning pills and little baby stomach pains during the day. And my mom calling me up every few days to find out how I am, and discuss my bowel habits.

But I don't want to feel this way. I had a good week, and a fantastic day and the depression snuck up on me. I mentioned it to my counselor last week, but I don't think we really addressed it.