Depression

At first, I thought if I just ate right, excercised and took my meds I would be okay. But then it got so bad that I had to have surgery. And I developed a post-surgical leak.

It just seems to be one thing after another. I go back and try to continue living my life, but inevitably I end up back in the hospital.

It's depressing.

Also, I haven't told the majority of my friends that I have a disease. My second two hospitalizations were conveniently over Christmas and just before reading week. It's a bit lonely. I fell out of contact with a few people when I was in the hospital, and I'm now trying to reconnect, giving vague excuses for where I've been.

But some days it just gets to me. This isn't going to go away, and it sucks. And so I sit around and throw myself a pity party. Cry a little bit and listen to appropriate music. Binge a little bit on junk food.

But lately these bad days have been starting to pile up, and I don't want to live like this. I want to have fun, and be fun. I could use a bit more energy. I wish I could go back to before, when life was so much less complicated.

Here's a quick update. At my follow-up with the Surgeon, I was poked and prodded at. Since my pain was pretty much gone, we were given the option of re-imaging or letting it be. We opted to wait and see, if the abscess was still there, I'd feel it.

However, going back to the hospital was hard. I can't help but feel like everytime I walk through those doors, there's a chance I might not get out for another week or two. We could discover something else horrible that my body is doing to itself. I just don't know how to shake off this negative attitude.

Where we are now

Eight weeks out of surgery and a new abscess.

I went to the hospital at the end of January for pain. In the same spot as the first abscess. It had been going on for about a week and I couldn't ignore it anymore.

The ultrasound showed inflammation and a possible inflammatory process. The CT showed inflammation. IV antibiotics for a week, 2 iron infusions. All set to send me home halfway through but my pain isn't gone so I push to stay.

It's too early for a Crohn's flare-up, but too late for post-surgical complications. GI and Surgery keep trying to pass me off to eachother.

Reimaging MRI once the antibiotics have been done for a couple of days. An abscess developed. 1.7 x 1.3 cm this time.

Sent home with oral antibiotics and a follow up appt with surgery in a week.

In the beginning . . .

There was pain. For four years, I had stomach pain. It started randomly, could be several times a day, wasn't related to what I ate and it was invisible. Also diarrhoea and a bit of blood, but I didn't tell anyone because it was too embarrassing.

Four years ago, I had it tested. Ultrasound, upper GI (barium), blood tests showed nothing. Except that I was anemic. So I just dealt with it. Ignored it and kept going.

It didn't go away though. Last year I decided to do something about it. Again, went through all the tests. Upper GI, lower GI, ultrasound, more blood tests and nothing. I was given "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" which means they have no idea WTF is wrong with you.

So again, I dealt with it. I never took any painkillers because the pain came and went quicker than they could kick in. I curled up in a ball in my bed when it hurt too much to study, and I moved my boyfriend's hand off my stomach when we cuddled.

Then, one day after swimming I had pain. Near my hip, on the inside and at the front. Sharp, brutally painful and hurt to move. It went away after a couple of days, but then it came back. I saw a Dr. They told me I had iliopsoas tendonitis, and should take advil around the clock.

I took advil, and suffered for a week or two. It got so bad that I couldn't go to school, so I saw another Dr. We went to the sketchy walk-in clinic at the strip mall across the street. They prescribed a stronger painkiller. I took it and it did nothing, except make me throw up. I tried to study for a test that weekend, but I was in constant pain. On the Monday, I saw my family Dr, and ovarian cysts were thrown around.

I was freaked out, so we went straight to the ER for an ultrasound. Possible appendicitis or an abscess. Then a CT scan.

It was an abscess. And inflammation of the small intestine (iliocecal). One colonoscopy later, I had Crohn's Disease.