I am not a complainer

My GI doctor's favourite word to describe me is stoic. It's not the most attractive word in the world. Kind of makes me think of rocks. Boring grey rocks. I prefer determined.

I'm determined to do what needs to get done, no matter how much pain I'm in. How else could I get by with four years of chronic pain? If I took a break every time I hurt I wouldn't be able to get anything done. I would have to admit to myself that there was actually an issue. Other people might notice that I had an issue.

If I'm in pain, I'm not going to cry about it. I probably won't take a pill for it. I might not even mention it at all, and if you ask about it my automatic response is "I'm fine".

This sometimes makes things a bit difficult. For example, if it does get bad enough that I do need pain meds (at this point I'm usually in the hospital) I will calmly ask the nurse for pain meds. The only thing that might betray me is a hand gripping the side of the bed for dear life. No crying, screaming or whining for me.

This means that it's sometimes hard to make doctors or nurses take me seriously. If I mention that I'm having a symptom, it means it's happening, and probably fairly severe. And I'll probably only bring it up once. But you'd have to know me to know that, and that's where it gets tricky. If I have a new nurse every two days, and different doctors pop by every day sometimes things get lost because I'm not complaining.

My mom jokes sometimes that I need to practise my pain face. I think I need to practise being more assertive. I guess this blog is a place where I can let all those complaints out.